Commercial #1 with CB commentary:
Kia presents to us a fine example of an advertising campaign being carried on for far too long. This usually happens when the initial commercial is somewhat successful, resulting in the advertisers making spin-off commercials until one can hardly even remember that the original was actually pretty good. (See also: the Geico cavemen)
The original Kia Soul commercial featured streets and garages filled with hamsters on wheels, and then these hamsters driving a Kia Soul come weaving through them. I get that; other cars will make you feel like a hamster on a wheel—going nowhere—but the Kia Soul will liberate you. It’s fairly creative; not great, but I smell what you’re cookin.
Then, they came out with this dreck:
Apparently, hamsters are urban and black. (Is that common knowledge? I didn’t know that.) So they’re rapping and driving around, and start in with the chorus of Black Sheep’s “The Choice is Yours”:
“You can get with this or you can get with that.”
What is the “that” these thugnificent hamsters are referring to? Two hamsters in a toaster? Or were they referencing the hamster in a cardboard box? The hamster in a washing machine?
I get the first commercial: hamsters on exercise wheels. Hamsters use exercise wheels. They are commonly seen on them. In what sick Charles Manson home are hamsters seen in toasters and washing machines? I thought I was going to see a car commercial and instead I got “1000 Ways to Die: hamster edition.”
After viewing this commercial, I must admit, the advertisers made me want to buy products featured in their advertisement. Unfortunately for them, it’s not a Kia Soul. No, I’ll keep my current vehicle, and purchase a toaster and a washing machine. Toasters provide warm, crunchy bread and the washing machine makes my clothes smell like a summer meadow. Call me when you make a car that can do that, Kia.
Commercial #2 with MR commentary:
This commercial is ridiculous.
It starts off with a huge battle, fully equipped with giant robots, space ships, laser beams and explosions. I don’t know whether it’s an advertisement for a movie or a video game, but it’s actually pretty cool, and I’m definitely interested in learning more about whatever the hell it is.
Then I catch a glimpse of something green flash by in the background. Wha? Is that a Kia Soul? I hope this isn’t another hamster commercial…
And then there they are, complete with their annoying little outfits. And Party Rock starts playing. And they start dancing.
At this point, I’m praying the robots and soliders will call a temporary truce, and start murdering the hamsters. But they don’t. They get caught up in the Party Rock spirit, and start dancing, too. Apparently, Party Rock will turn emotionless killer robots into dancing machines. Which is odd, considering it makes logical human beings that have good taste in music want to kill something. Such is life.
What I really hate about this entire advertising campaign is that the actual car, the Kia Soul, isn’t a bad little car. It’s affordable, get’s great gas mileage, and ok, fuck, I actually have one and I really like it. I like it enough that I bought it in spite of these shitty hamster commercials. But believe me, it was a difficult decision. You know a commercial is truly terrible when it almost makes you not buy something because of it.
You know what would be a far more marketable commercial for the Soul, Kia? Me, in mine, chasing down these hamsters and running them over. (Kia advertisers, hit me up. I’ll totally do it, I swear to any God you believe in.)